my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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