she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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