Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
