R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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