i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize