Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
