We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
