tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm just crazy horny about you
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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