I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Randomize
