Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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