Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
