the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
