just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize
