There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
