I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
