I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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