her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
