my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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