just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
