his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
