if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
