Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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