if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
