Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
