he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize