mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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