how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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