no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
