dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
