you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize