dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
