my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
