fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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