i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
