Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
