we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
