I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
