perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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