You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
