Just cropdusted the office
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
