i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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