I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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