the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
