Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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