If i could tip my vagina, i would.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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