Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I have post one night stand depression
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