I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
