For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
