break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
