I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
