I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
operation harelip BJ is a go
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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