I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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