I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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