Your mouth is God's brothel.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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