He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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