Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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