her vagine was all disorganized.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
