Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
