last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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