don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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