there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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