I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
