I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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