i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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