so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
