if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
