Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
try to milk me bitch
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