I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Randomize
