I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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