Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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