I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
