This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
