I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
