I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
do nipples grow back?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
